The past two days have been really bittersweet. The children started going home for the Christmas holiday yesterday so we’ve had to say many goodbyes. It’s really sad to see them go, but it’s really good too when their relatives come to get them because they get to go home and spend Christmas with their families. Some of the children have family who can take care of them for the month of December, but just not all year long so they come to pick them up and will bring them back Jan. 3rd. The home encourages the children to go home if at all possible so that they can become a little familiar with their families and with home life. The goal for the home is to educate and discipline the children so they can be productive citizens and go back to their families and help move them out of poverty so it helps a lot if the children visit with and get to know their families. Eleven children left yesterday and eleven more left today. It was a lot of children to say goodbye to, but at the same time, there are 90 children here at the home so, sadly, it was a very small number who left. There were a couple moms who came, but all the rest were aunts and grandmothers, a couple uncles, one dad and one brother. The children got so excited when they saw their relatives walking up the path to the home. They would sprint up to the dorm and pack their clothes really quickly if they hadn’t already. A lot of the children didn’t know if their family was coming for sure so they waited until they got here to pack their bags, bless their hearts. I didn’t cry when any of them left except for my favorite, Ndanu. When I heard that her grandmother was here my stomach just dropped. I was happy she had come, but I was also sad too because, selfishly, there was a big part of me that didn’t want her leave. I was able to hold back my tears until after she left because I didn’t want to take away her happiness. She was so excited to be going home and I didn’t want to ruin that for her. I will never forget the mental picture I have of her waving goodbye with her arm halfway out the window of the very back seat of the matatu with a huge smile on her face. She was so so happy. For me, it was the epitome of bittersweet, but for her, it was nothing but overwhelming joy and that is what matters most.
Most of the time its’ really great for the children to go home, but sometimes it’s a much worse situation at home because the family is living in poverty and doesn’t have enough food to feed the children for a whole month. One of the boy’s grandmothers who came yesterday was crying to Armstrong and asked if she could leave her grandson here because she doesn’t know show is going to find food for him. It’s so heartbreaking to hear that, but Armstrong told her that she must take him. I asked him why he couldn’t stay here and he said if he allows one to stay he would have to let all the children stay whose families are struggling and well, that’s almost everyone. That is why they’re living at this home. So, while the children get very excited to see their families and to go home, Armstrong said some of them will show up back at the home in a few days, few weeks by themselves, starving and coming for food. He said its pretty much expected. It makes me so sad. Although he wants them to go home, Armstrong is really cautious of whom he lets take the children home; it must be the same person who dropped them off here to begin with. He told us he has given a child to someone before who claimed to be his or her aunt or uncle (I can’t remember now) and then the next day the grandmother showed up looking for the child and he didn’t know what to do. So now, naturally, he is super cautious. We would hate for anything to happen to these children when they are out of his care. He gets very nervous releasing the girls especially. It has happened before that a girl went home with relative and came back pregnant. You just never really know what is going to take place when these children are away from the home for a whole month. Armstrong has a lot to worry about so it’s very understandable that he is so protective. Unfortunately, though, sometimes that caution backfires for the children. The sister to one of the girl’s, Mwikali, showed up today to get her because the grandmother is sick at home, but Armstrong wouldn’t let Mwikali go with her since she wasn’t the same person who brought her here. It was so sad. Mwikali went to her dorm and cried when Armstrong sent the sisters home. My heart jut broke for her because she was so excited when she saw her sister coming and then she couldn’t leave; poor girl.
Sunday night we had our last devotions with all the children so Armstrong gave Jenny and me a chance to stand up and say our farewells. I was already crying when I stood up because some of the children had just sung some farewell songs that were really sad. I was afraid they wouldn’t be able to understand me through the tears, but I was able to control them for a few minutes; just long enough to get out what I wanted to say. When I sat down and Jenny spoke she started crying when she saw me crying so I turned around so she couldn’t see my face. It was just a really sad time. I am going to miss these children; their smiles, their singing and dancing, their energy and their love for the Lord so much.
Last night was a special devotions too. The grandfather to two of the children here brought a huge cake for all the children to share. It was a massive pink cake that said “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2009.” They were all so excited! It looked like chocolate on the inside, but I was so wrong. I don’t know what it was, but it definitely wasn’t chocolate…and it definitely wasn’t good! I gave some of my piece away, but the pieces were so big and I had to eat some. Just another thing to laugh about.
